I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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