I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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