Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
