Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
