I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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