Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
