Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
