he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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