I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
