In the future we'll all be gay
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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