you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
