Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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