My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
