Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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