i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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