We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
