You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
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I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
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I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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