Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
