I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
