This dress was meant to end up on your floor
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
