dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
