What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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