Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
