I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
