I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
