Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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