Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
