would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
