he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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