Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
