I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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