Christians are straight up FREAKS
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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