oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
