im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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