cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
