allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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