I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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