how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
