I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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