It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
