found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
