My nipple is on Facebook.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
