think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
