i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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