His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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