I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
