By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
