Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
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it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize