u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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