Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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