I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
