what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
