would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
