so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
