i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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