I wish my penis had an off switch
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
