A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
