not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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