Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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