Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
