Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
