I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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