He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
