just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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