I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
how does that bad decision feel?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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